crash test dummie to save you some pain

Crash TezT Page

This is my Crash Test Page©

This is my crash test page. And kinda your crash test page, too.

Click here please. – EVERnote | ScrEEnshot

Please let me know if this link opens for you. Thanks.

But you don’t have to take any risks. Just read and learn. And laugh at me and my mistakes.

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Here’s a quick link to *Images That Pop.

Remember, you want Images that Pop and Stop. To grab the attention of your scaNNing reader.

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This Crash Tezt Page represents a 6-year journey of some pain and agony and some fun. And recently, a few more moments of joy and achievement. But mainly, failures and a few successes. I’ve been on a journey — stumbling through this wilderness called the interweb.

On Grandpa’s Crash Tezt Page, I will show you different formatting tools from the toolbar. And different uses of images.

I am America’s GRUMPiest Grandpa. And I can save you some time and pain. And embarrassment.

Thanks to Bob and Eileen and other friends of America’s GRUMPiest Grandpa for their feedback and making this a better page.

This page is… [h4 – italic]

[h4 -italic] = [Heading 4, Italic print]

…specifically designed for those who — just like me — are on a journey to see how this WordPress and blogging universe works. This page is designed so you can have an unfiltered look at what I am doing and testing and experimenting. With some [comments] designed to inform and educate you. [justify italic bold format]

[justify italic format] = [justify, italic, bold format from toolbar]

By the way, I am using WordPress. And I am using a free WordPress Theme – called  “Twenty Fourteen.” 

Grandpa wants to save you from some painful and frustrating times. And to shorten your learning curve.

If you are frustrated, don’t quit.

No need to cry.

child-cute-frown-kid-pout 400x300 px
grandpa wants to help you during those frustrating times

This Crash Tezt Page is designed to save you some pain. So you can make fewer mistakes. Just laugh at my mistakes and experiments. And so that you don’t agonize over your own mistakes.

Because …

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You Must Write

Why ? 

You have something inside of you that says…

You must write everyday. Regardless.

If you don’t write everyday, you can’t breathe.

Your paSSion has almost become an obseSSion.

And you don’t care.

You are on fire with the desire to write.

And the desire to have your unique voice heard.

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Hey ! Don’t Miss ANYthing !

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LIVE boldly - like you are ON FIRE
write BOLDly – like you live – live like you are ON FIRE

Ugly First Draft

Another purpose of this Crash Tezt Page is to show you the ugly first drafts of everything new I am doing. And to show you ideas and content that may never be published as a blogpost. Some ideas may just be experiments that never leave my blogging laboratory.

Did you know that… ?

…by posting your ugly first draft, you can crush that vicious demon of procr-asstination?

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Are You a Wannabe Blogger ?

putting one foot in front of another
i said wannabe bloGGer – not joGGer

You might be a new blogger. Or a wannabe bloGGer. Or a soon-to-be-famous bloGGer. Or — just like me — you are just putting one f00t in the front of the other on an ambitious journey. A journey to experience and  to learn.

This I have learned about journeys. You don’t always need to know your exact destination. But you must have a process. Like putting one f00t in the front of the other.

And. It’s even better if you enjoy the journey. With someone else.

You Are NOT Alone 

Know this. That you are not alone. That I am here – struggling with you. Like a running buddy – running with you – running beside you – just staying on pace with you. And that I will make your mistakes for you. So that I can save you some time and pain.

And you can laugh at me. So that others are not laughing at you. I take some of the pain and the embarrassment out of this journey.

Annoying Redundancy

You will experience some annoying redundancy here at Grandpa’s Crash Tezt Page. Just deal with it. Because I am putting a premium on transparency and timeliness. Not constantly editing and scrubbing the content for repetition.

[h4 = Heading 4]

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[h1 = Heading 1]

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Organized – in due time?

All of the world’s best literature, art, and internet ideas.

All started as disorganized meSSes.

All started as an ugly first draft.

At least, this is what I would like to believe.

Ugly First Draft

my ugly first draft of Captain America
my ugly first draft of a b00k in progreSS

I promise you that this page will be organized in some fashion – someday – (maybe) – when I hire my virtual assistant in the near future.

(Right now organizational ideas and help from you are welcomed.)

Until then, I promise this material will be completely random based on…

  • nothing logical, just a random flow of thought,
  • like random mind-mapping,
  • ideas when I get them, and
  • new skills as I learn them,
  • hurdles I overcome,
  • failed ideas,
  • that others may be embarrassed to show,
  • success stories,
  • tezting in the works,
  • raw ideas before they are birthed,
  • ideas while they are still in the incubator,
  • including transparent views of my ineptitude,
  • transparent information from my Google Analytics,
  • information from my Facebook Insights, and
  • whatEVER else?

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Crash Tezt Page

… is presented transparently.

Raw and lightly edited or entirely RAW and UNedited.

With little attempt to be organized and look pretty. Just a constant stream of attempts at learning this blogging thang.

This page may be ugly and disorganized. But that is what you must endure if I am to remain transparent and timely as I promised.

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Amazon Associate

eyes daniel 730 x 330
yes, i am an amazon aSSociate

As I monetize this adventure (?), I will share that journey, as well. Transparently. Right now I have enrolled as an Amazon Associate. With almost zero financial success. But I have a plan, and I am hopeful. But hope doesn’t pay the bills, right?

Right now (on 02/11/2016), I am attempting to monetize my tax blogs by using links to TurboTax as an Amazon Associate.

I will explain later what an Amazon Associate is. For now, you can see some of my testing with Amazon at my Amazon Tezt Page.

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I have written several tax blogs. See them below.

Now I’m trying to get these blogposts in front of the right people; and encourage them to click the links to buy TurboTax at Amazon.

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Update on Amazon Associate

As of February 13, 2016 – yeah babee – some tiny success here,

  • from January 15 through February 13, 2016
  • clicks = 273
  • ordered items = 1 (first sale)
  • ordered on February 12, 2016
  • conversion = 0.37%
  • conversion = number of items ordered divided by number of clicks on my links

I’m marking this first sale on my calendar. WOWzer !!!

How do you like the ORANGE text in ITALICS ? Not sure I like it?

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Testing Transparently [h3]

In this process called the Crash Tezt Page, I hope to partner with you and connect with your frustrations if you are on the same journey as me. And we can become struggling brothers and sisters in this world wide galactic interweb matrix. United in sweat equity by our struggles and victories. United as we share this adventure. Sharing this cyber “fox hole” experience.

So come back here often to learn as I learn. Or just to laugh. Either is fine.

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that grEAt idea

When you have that great idea, people don’t always see things the way you do.

Sometimes people just don’t see things your way.

This doesn’t make anyone right or wrong.

We just have a different perspective.

Sometimes how you see things depends on where you are standing.

perspective 300 x 200
sometimes people just don’t see things your way

Birthing of an Idea [h1]

I am testing the anchor link idea here.

And now use this anchor link to see the complete life cycle of one of my blog ideas, beginning at the birth of my idea.

Starting with my original notes from EVERnote – highlighted in green font and underlined. Like this – grandpa speaks on taxes.

And now. Here is a quick jump to the bottom of this page. Here is the anchor link to fast forward to the bottom of this blogpost.

My personal EVERnote link is a link that you will seldom see. This link – grandpa speaks on taxes – is even more transparent and raw. It’s a link to my private EVERnote notes (redundant – ?) at the moment when I decided to re-purpose some previous tax blogs and decided to monetize these blogposts.

Using Links

And how your reader’s mind works.

A word later about the effective use of *links and italics and bold and text color and underline. And about using several formatting effects together from the toolbar.

*links = formatted with Navy Blue color, Bold, Italic, and Underline from the WordPress Toolbar on the Admin page.

A word later about identifying links the way your reader’s mind works. And training our reader through repetition how to recognize and use the links in your blogpost. My opinion only.

But you must observe how the internet has trained your reader to recognize and use links. And be consistent throughout your blog. How you use links is  part of your voice.

And needs to be clear. And consistent.

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Images That POP

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do your own taxes with turbotax
images that POP and STOP – do your own taxes with turbotax

Geoffrey, all right. Here we go. With Images THAT Pop.

Images. Critical. Important. This topic should be at the beginning of this blogpost.

Images. Critical and important stuff. You have less than one second – seriously – less than one second to capture the attention of your mobile “reader.” Actually, your mobile person is a scanner, not a reader.

In less than one second, they decide to read your blogpost. Or to continue scanning, scrolling. Scrolling and scanning. Scrolling, scrolling. And scanning. Scanning some more. Until their eyes see an image that stops them. An image that pops.

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And finally. Your scrolling reader sees…

… that ONE image that POPs and STOPs them.

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Images are the key to stopping your scanning reader long enough. Long enough to just read your headline. Before they decide to start reading  your blog. And when they do decide to “read” your blog, they continue to  scan through your blog.

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white s-P-a-C-e and IMAGEs

eyes daniel 730 x 330
pay aTTention – this is IMPortant stuFF

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So it is the white space and images that pop that keep your scanning reader engaged.

Remember, it is the space betwEEn the notes that makes music beautiful. Without the space between the notes, you would only hear noise.

Images. White spaces. Headings. Use them to create an enjoyable experience for your scanning reader.

The next time you are standing in a line. Stop. Watch people with their mobile devices. Scanning and scrolling. Not reading. This is your audience. This is a tough audience to engage.

Research says that between half to 90% of your audience see your blogpost on their mobile device. You must meet your audience during their mobile moments. 

Why do you think that Pinterest and Instagram are so popular? The answer is “images.” Images that engage people during their mobile moments.

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Mobile Mindshift

Read the research from The Mobile Mindshift. [Note to Grandpa: Create an EVERnote of my thoughts on The Mobile Mindshift.]

For more detailed information, buy The Mobile Mindshift by clicking here. This book is worth your time.

[Note: for the budding blogger, writing about the Mobile Mindshift and its applications to your community would make a really kicka** blog. If you gave me great value, I would subscribe to that blog.]

Or select a specific market niche to target  — like churches. Called “Capture that Mobile Moment for God. Growing Your Church in a Mobile Society.” Geoffrey, whaddaya think? Seems like a great idea to me.

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Back to white s-p-a-c-e and images…

Ya gotta get my attention. To stop and read.

For me to st0p, images gotta p0p. 

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ya goTTa get my aTTention

like a shark in my face

swimming with sharks 730 x 330
put a SHARK IN MY FACE to get my attention

ya goTTa get my aTTention

with images that POP and STOP


Ya gotta use images that p0p.

hand-shake tired image
tired and over-used image – yawn and more yawns

I said, “Images that POP. Not poop. Not tired and over-used images.”

The above “hand shaking” image is not bad. But it is NOT GOOD ENOUGH. It looks very 1980s.

Use images that are fresh. Maybe even edgy, controversial. Images that you would NOT use in church. Maybe ?

I would rather be criticized and have my blogposts read. Than not. You decide what you want.

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another chance

Don’t Miss ANY-thing !

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that ONE image that POPs and STOPs

That one image that stops your scanning reader. Edgy, controversial. An image that you would NOT use in church. Maybe ?

‘Cuz ya gotta get my attention before I scroll past your content.

Angelina-Jolie - red border

Ya just gotta get my aTTention in leSS than a “New York Nano-Second.” Ya goTTa get my aTTention BEFORE  I will read your content.

Ya goTTa get my aTTention BEFORE I scroll past you.

You are writing for that impatient, constantly scroLLing, mobile audience.

You must compete for and win my mobile moment.

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It Takes Time

And, yes, getting exceLLent images takes time. Time to re-edit images. And time to re-size images for Facebook and for your “featured image” on WordPress.

You must create images that no one can ignore.

Your images must scream, “Stop. Look at me. Now read me.”

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for me to st0p, images goTTa p0p

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green eyes 730 x 330
you need to use images that pop – stop, look at me, read me

You need to use images that scrEAm STOP. Look at me. 

[end of imagez that pOp and stOp]

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More Elements of

BlogPost Design [h3]

  • include bazinga headlines
  • images that pop
  • ending your blogpost with a “mic drop” statement
  • mobile visual appeal
  • enough links
  • not tOO many links
  • all links to buying opportunity (?)
  • links to something of value for your reader
  • link your images, too
  • worship the Yoast “God”

Note: I’ll write a separate section (or page) on Yoast SEO. This is a great WordPress plug-in and blogging tool. Don’t publish anything before checking with Yoast.

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scrolling and more scrolling
you must write for the mobile audience

Mobile Friendly

Note that I design my blogs to be viewed via mobile devices. Since 90 + % of my readers view using their mobile devices.

See the mobile moment above.

Actually one study showed me that 99 % of my readers view my blog from their mobile devices.

And because of that, I focus strongly on images, formatting, white spaces and scannability. I use enough images, white space and page breaks to give my reader the feeling of making rapid progress. As they scan / read.

In fact, as I write and edit on my laptop computer, I save and update. And then view on my tablet right beside my laptop. And my phone.

Ya gotta look good on mobile devices.

Otherwise, you just don’t exist for the mobile generation.

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woman ins stress ver 2.0 400x300
just learning this WordPress thang – one day at a time

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When you feel like I’m getting  redundant for you, sorry. I add to this blogpost frequently WITHOUT doing a complete re-edit. So just scroll past what is redundant for you.

Reminder: This page is for test purposes only.

This page is designed to test and display writing and blogging and image and formatting ideas.

So you can see all of my ideas and mistakes. And learn in the process.

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Anchor Link

[h4 – italic – align center]

I showed you the Anchor Link earlier in this blogpost. But now I will explain how to create and use an anchor link.

By the way, here are my original notes in my personal EVERnote when I first hear about Anchor Tags / Links and learned how to create them. Just click on the link –  anchor tag. And you will be transported to my personal notes in EVERnote.

You can learn more about the Crash Tezt Page here. [anchor link] – Tap or click the link to see how it jumps or “quick links” to a specific place in this blogpost. 

I just learned how to create an anchor link, or quick link. Anchor links are cool and functional. You can also create an anchor link to a specific place on a different blogpost.

To better understand, notice the URL and the /#amazing story ] at the end of the URL when you get to this page…


This orange link goes directly to a specific book — The Amazing Story Generator — on the Reading List page of  America’s Grumpiest Grandpa.

Creating an Anchor Link

To create an anchor link, you must place some code in the text version of WordPress.

Here is the code.

<a name=”control”></a>

Insert the link as #control (or #amazingstory) using the link icon found in the toolbar.

Here’s how it works. Just like magic.

Hop to my Reading List page and read about why I like The Amazing Story Generator.

This is how you create this indented quote.

From toolbar above, use “Blockquote” and Increase indent buttons to create an explanation.

This explanation of an anchor link, or quick link, was created with the code

<a name=”amazingstory”></a>

and the link #amazingstory

and by using the “Insert/edit link” button in the toolbar above.


By using this code in the text version and the link in the toolbar,

<a name=”control”></a> combined with [#amazingstory]

you can create…

The anchor link is a great tool to quickly direct your reader to a specific topic of interest without having to read your entire blogpost. A great tool for your impatient, scanning reader.

Patience. I am just experimenting with different formats and different looks. Different colors in bold type.

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laugh and cry with the ones you love - america's grumpiest grandpa
laugh and cry with the ones you love

This is America’s GRUMP-iest Grandpa’s… [h4]

Crash Tezt Page where Grandpa will …

  • try anything and everything.
  • Just to see how it l00ks.
  • If it works.
  • Or can it be done?

[heading 4 – italic – navy blue text color]

…for America’s GRUMP-iest Grandpa®

This is a special page where America’s GRUMP-iest Grandpa tries new stuFF. Grandpa is transparent and lets the world see what he is doing.

  • Live.
  • Raw.
  • Unedited [orange text color].

Part of the purpose of the Crash Tezt Page is to show the ugly first draft of everything new I am doing.

Working with different headings and colors. And trying new concepts.



focus on the process
Focus on the Process || NOT the Outcome || The Magic Is in the Process

Here’s a different use for a blog.

Writing a Book Using Your Blog

As a Feedback and Editing Tool

Can this actually be done successfully?

Hmmm ? What about Andy Weir and The Martian.

Revenge of the Jedi Rebel is working nicely.

On this page – Revenge of the  Jedi Rebel – I am writing a book – live. This Crash Tezt Page is designed to be transparent and to see how it works to get timely feedback. This page also serves as a model for other writers who want to publish a book and get feedback during the writing and editing process. Like Andy Weir wrote The Martian. One chapter at a time on his blog.

reading takes you places
reading takes you places you have never been before

My granddaughter, Vivaka, is writing a book one chapter at a time using America’s Grumpiest Grandpa as a platform. Here is chapter three – frEEd? but never really frEE. I will let you know how this works for her.

This is how Andy Weir wrote The Martian. One chapter at a time and letting others review his book one chapter at a time. For their feedback.

In effect, Andy had his book crowd-sourced similar in concept to the way that Wikipedia is published. Via worldwide collaboration. [justified formatting]

Writing a book like this. Being transparent to this extent may subject one to some criticism. Ongoing criticism. But it seems like a worthwhile experiment. And a great way to get immediate feedback.


multicolored page break 

Enjoy Grandpa’s Mistakes

[heading 2]


This is Grandpa’s attempt at a multi-colored scene divider. Or “page break” for mobile devices. This scene divider (thanks to Drew Weiss) appears to be more effective on mobile devices than the “Horizontal Line” formatting in the toolbar.

And I use a combination of “horizontal line” followed by the “6-asterisk page break” after the anchor tag so that the link shows clearly below the header on a mobile device.


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crash test dummie to save you some pain
grandpa is testing to save you some pain 

Crash DuMMie Page

Heading 1 

This week I want to…

  • find the right MeetUps in Orlando – WordPress, SEO, and …
  • investigate and understand the dashboard on WordPress
  • to take some notes on the following items …
  • do the MED | the Minimum Effective Dose
  • learn the 80  – 90 % of information that i need to know about WordPress (and other topics) to be effective 
  • widget in the footer area under dashboard | appearance
  • use footer widget for social media icons
  • update dashboard | SEO | Social with URLs
  • update dashboard | SEO | XML Sitemaps
  • what is revolution slider and why do i have it in WordPress ?
  • see MailChimp for WordPress to maximize its functionality
  • delete all MailChimp groups except “Amazing Fans” and restart Subscriber List – done
  • build subscriber list via a compelling opt-in offer
  • see BlueHost in EVERnote
  • see BlueHost for all domain names
  • see BlueHost for all websites
  • see BlueHost for all websites and activate or de-activate
  • keep only ESSENTial websites
  • gOOgle analytics by yoast: i need to authenticate my gOOgle analytics profile to enable dashboards; please configure [red italic = task to do]

Above is horizontal line from the formatting toolbar.

This is my test duMMie page

Heading 2 

for America’s Grumpiest Grandpa®

Heading 3

Note: eventually I decided to call this page – Crash Tezt Page

  • test duMMie page for …
  • for testing and trying new ideas and plugins and more
  • just to see how an idea looks and how an idea works or does not work
  • to see how an idea “feel” on mobile
  • and I have received some valuable feedback from Bob Harmon
  • for America’s Grumpiest Grandpa™
  • for America’s Grumpiest Grandpa®

*   *   *   *   *   *

Daniel Jedi Squire in Training

Market Samurai – Heading 2 

My goal in this section – Market Samurai – is to create a  personal learning list for learning Market Samurai. And to take you with me on this journey to learn and effectively implement this tool.

With the learning list, I will provide what I learn as I learn. From Market Samurai.

I believe my learning curve for the blogging world could be of interest to others. As a point of information. And as a guide for your learning.

Ya just don’t know until ya try.

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do your own taxes with turbotax
grandpa is sharing all of his mistakes

Birthing of an Idea


How did the anchor link work? Isn’t it cool to quickly get to a specific area in a blogpost that easily ?

This idea of tax blogs actually started on EVERnote right here at  grandpa speaks on taxes.

Idea (02/08/2016) – to create the ultimate and final tax article. (Why do you need to know more about taxes, when TurboTax has done all of the work and thinking for you already.)

Here you can see the idea of The Ultimate Tax Article generated and incubated. And eventually birthed and allowed to walk on its own at the Last and ONLY Tax Article you will read.

LAST / ONLY tax article


…you will read before you do your taxes

I dare you to make learning fun.
Professional MudMan Lucas recommends TurboTax Absolute Zero

the LAST / ONLY tax article [h4]

…you will read before you do your taxes

Idea (02/08/2016): videos with Daniel at the lake by the “alligator” sign. (vids with Lucas, 8 seconds, 15 seconds max) Creating a real sense of urgency. I have finished the tax blogs, but I have not yet created the videos. [toolbar format – justify – italic]

All videos link to “the ONLY tax article”

Countdown: 68 days to go til Tax Day

tick and tock 

[heading 4 italic]

Pay attention to the sign. Referring to the “Alligators – do NOT swim” sign. Next to the recent pic of the Florida gator. Listen to the expertise of TurboTax. Listen to the experts. Don’t swim with the gators.

Bringing internet traffic to a “one stop to shop” blogpost about taxes. This “one stop” blogpost will have all the tools you need to do your taxes. With links to other tax blogposts. Links to buy TurboTax via Amazon; and links to TurboTax YouTube channel. And other? And best TurboTax commercials.

And Amazon links to a printer for your computer, a shredder, and party supplies to celebrate filing your taxes.

the LAST tax article [h1]

This is the LAST tax article you need to read this year.

taxes pen 1040 400x300 px
this is the LAST tax article you need to read

the ONLY tax article… [h4]

…you ever need to read this year

the LAST tax article… [h4]

…you need to read this year

Title: the ONLY tax article you need to read this year…

[need: a cool image for each heading] [h4]

Here. Watch this cool video.

[compelling image follows each heading]

Next. Buy TurboTax to do your own taxes.

Buy a printer if you want a paper copy of your taxes.

File online.

Celebrate with a “I just did my own taxes” party.

Or. Buy a new pair of shoes to celebrate.

Shred documents – if necessary.

Send this blog to friends.

Do NOT procrastinate.

Start your taxes now.

You can start your taxes…

  • in the car line at school,
  • in the coffee line at Starbucks,
  • in the coffee line at Panera Bread,
  • while you’re waiting for the kids
  • at church,
  • at basketball practice,
  • at gymnastics.

Start now. Buy TurboTax here.

Note: look at TurboTax guarantees here.

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More Important Things to Do


You have more important things… [h4]

…to do than your taxes.

[compelling image]

fun things to do with your kids
you have more important things to do than struggling with your taxes

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Marketing Plan

for the FINAL TAX BLOG [h3]

Use split testing for…

  • the LAST tax article you need to read versus
  • the ONLY tax article you need to read

Split testing using two different titles for blog

And for YouTube video

Then check all metrics – YouTube views, Google Analytics, Amazon clicks, Facebook – # of people reached and shares, and …

*Published FINAL / ONLY tax blog on February 8, 2016.

Yes, grandpa did *publish* this final tax article. And I am working on optimizing and promoting and monetizing. I will give you details as I progress. Or don’t progress.

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do your own taxes with turbotax
do your own taxes with turbotax

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Testing MailChimp Formats

  • Testing some subscription ideas and formats.
  • Testing a combination of images and the MailChimp form.
  • And creating subscription templates for easy “copy / paste”
  • Test, test, test. And try , try, try.

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so you don’t miss any KooL stuFF

Have a meSSy Christmas. Just say NO to Pinterest-Perfect.

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Drew | Lucas | Tristan | Daniel | Vivaka | Ely

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When you find WISDOM, protect it like your EYEsight !!

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fun things to do for kids this summer

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yikes 150 x 150

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